Of adventure

I read that the next phase of the journey to true masculinity is the cowboy stage, the age where we yearn for real adventure. It is the time when something inside tell us that we need to prove ourselves, need to be tested. It can be driving a car, fixing things around the house, going on a roadtrip.

The Question of a man;s soul begins to present itself in everything the boy-becoming-a-young-man does: Do I have what it takes? (Fathered by God by John Eldredge, 2009)

"Taking to the Road" often play a big part of this cowboy stage, not unlike the hobbits in The Fellowship of the Ring. I understood that the power of experience plays an important part at this stage of the young man's life. It is one thing to be told you have what it takes (as in the boyhood stage where he feels affirmed and loved), it's another thing altogether to actually discover that you do, though some trial brought up in an adventure, or through some test that hard work demands.

The cowboy heart is wounded or undeveloped if he
1) is not allowed to have adventure (e.g. overly protective family)
2) no one to take him there (e.g. absent father)
3) is given overwhelming work unfit for the heart of a boy (e.g. demanding father)
4) repeatedly fails, and there's no one to interpret his failures with him (e.g. absent father)

Also, the time of the cowboy is not merely one of unending adventure. It has to be balanced with a context and hard work. Many fatherless young men find life in some adventure like kayaking or skating - and stay there and make it their world. They are modern-day Peter-Pans, refusing to grow up as men. On the surface, they seem alive and free. Beneath, they are uncertain and ungrounded. And they have broken the hearts of many young women who loved the adventurer, and didnt understand why they wouldnt go on to become the warrior and lover and the king.


After reading about the above, I think I could make much more sense of my stubborn desire to come to USA.

Do I have what it takes? That's the question I probably want answered. Growing up for the most part in a single-parent family (emotionally), I got plenty of love, concern and shelter from Mum. That probably explains my lack of culinary skills! Dont get me wrong, Mum did great. I appreciate everything she did for me. But Mums' nature is mercy, but a boy needs to learn to face danger.

Do I have what it takes? It's a father's job to help the boy get an answer. The father is supposed to provide initiation by arranging for moments - through hard work and adventure - when the Question is on the line, and in those moments helps the young man hit it right out of the park.

I mentioned that this stage may be short-circuited when there is no man, no father to take him to the adventure. While many men missed this cowboy stage, and not many boys are guided through it, I took comfort that we can go back and pick up where we were left off intentionally.

Honestly, I felt much more at ease with myself for this US trip after understanding more about this phase in a man's life. For various reasons, guilt and self-doubt plagued me over the past year. But perhaps, this is God initiating me. It is heartening to know that God is still working in your life when you feel your mistakes and failures have distanced Him from you.

For this and so much more that my words are inadequate to express, Lord, thank you.