Reading Fathered by God by John Eldredge (courtesy of Bing and Daphne). The book talked about the initiation into manhood comes in phases - boyhood, cowboy, warrior, lover, king, and finally sage. Each phase is important, but none as crucial as the boyhood stage. Because many of us are orphaned children while we are growing up, be it physically or emotionally. So the initiation process never gets started.
In the boyhood stage, the son needs to know that he is the beloved child, the apple of his father's eyes.. The whole world that he lives in is created under the sheltering strength of his father, under which he feels safe.
Safe in his father's arms - that is what it feels like to be the beloved son. This safety is important so that a boy can truly be a boy - with a heart that longs for adventures (for me, catching grasshoppers and ladybirds in Membina Primary school's soccer field) and power (toy guns, playing masak of soldiers).
But more often than not, we are wounded when our fathers are not there for us at this stage, not there to affirm us that we are his beloved son. No true confidence. It is tragic but common. The world without the affirmation of a father is a dangerous world for the boy.
Sometimes, I wished my Dad could father me the way John's did for him. Im sure my Dad loves me and did what he could. But if he is still alive, I would love for him to read this post with me. And I will make sure my son makes a list for me too in the future, just so I can provide an environment that is safe for him to dream dreams and live like a boy is meant to be.
How would I, Chit, loved to be fathered when i am growing up?
I want my Dad to...
1) drive me to and from school so I dont have to take a bus
2) be excited and give me a bearhug when he sees me home from school
3) assure me that he will defend me next time the school bully roughs me up
4) assure me that it is okay to make mistakes when i got into trouble in school
5) tell me he is very proud of me when i come home with my sports meet medals, that i am the best athlete ever
6) be beside me when i grew a beard and have to shave for the first time
7) teach me the proper way to treat girls, so i dont have to buy Teenage magazines or figure it out from the movies
8) And I want him to give me some dating tips from his courtship days with mum
9) teach me how to read a map, to drive a car, to use a powertool (safely), and tell me it is alright when I cant do it for the first attempt
10) take me along for his business trips. I want to sit beside him on the plane to it-doesnt-matter-where. I want to sit beside him during his business meetings, to see him in action.
11) teach me how to swing a bat, kick a ball, whatever. Doesnt matter if he has no flair for sports. I want him to be my first coach.
12) bring me out for dinner to celebrate, when i come home with the cross country trophy.
13) be there when i was devasted from my first break-up. Doesnt have to say anything. Just be there with an arm ard me as i cry.
14) buy me toys - guns, swords, games, whatever the kids in school have . Or, if he couldnt, tell me he will work very hard because he loves me.
And i want to Dad to show me what it means to put the family first - by making sacrifices. To teach me, through word and deed, that while none of us can be perfect, love is a choice and a commitment, and that commitment sometimes require sacrifices.
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