Washington DC
14 July 1861
Dear Sarah,
The indications are very strong that we shall move in a few days. Perhaps tomorrow. And lest I should not be able to write to you again, I feel compelled to write a few lines that may fall under your eyes when I am no more.
I have no misgivings about, or lack of confidence in, the cause in which I am engaged. And my courage does not halt or falter. I know how great a debt we owe to those who went before us through the blood and suffering of the Revolution. And I am willing, perfectly willing, to lay down all my joys in this life to help pay the debt.
Sarah, my love for you is debtless. It seems to bind me with mighty cables that nothing but Omnipotence can break. And yet my love of country comes over me like a strong wind and bears me irresistibly, with all those chains, to the battlefield.
The memory of all the blissful moments I have enjoyed with you comes crawling over me. And I feel most deeply grateful to God, and to you, that I have enjoyed them for so long. But how hard it is for me to give them up, and burn to ashes the hopes of future years when, God willing, we might still have lived and loved together and seen our boys grow up to be honorable manhood around us.
If I do not return, my dear Sarah, never forget how much I loved you. Know that when my last breath escapes me on the battlefield, it will whisper your name. Forgive my many faults and the many pains I have caused you. How thoughtless, how foolish, I have sometimes been. But, Oh Sarah, if the dead comes back to this earth to flit unseen around those they love, I shall always be with you…in the brightest day..and in the darkness night…always…always! And when the soft breeze fans your check, it shall be my breath…or the cool air on your throbbing temple, it shall be my spirit passing by.
Sarah, do not mourn me dead. Think I am gone, and wait for me. For we shall meet again.
Sullivan Belleau
Quoted from Four pillars of a man’s heart by Stu Webber
The book is about pillars that every man is supposed to have, of being a shepherd-king, warrior, mentor and friend. When any one pillar leans out of balance, the man is eh, unbalanced. A healthy/whole man needs all 4 pillars to be strong or else the building is in danger of collapse. It’s not easy, as every situation requires the man to discern which pillar to utilize.
Does the family needs me to provide direction at this moment, to use the pillar of a king? Does my children need a friend to listen to their woes? (not mine la, from the book)
Hmm, quite a good book. Hope I can do ½ of what I read, with God’s grace. Im half through with the book, of being a king and a warrior. These phrases stuck in my mind.
King – the posture of a Kind is that of bended knees
Warrior – the heart of a warrior must be aligned to the vision of his king – a dream of stability and justice and order and security for those near and dear to him.
Oh, one week after he wrote this to the love of his life, Sulliven Belleau was killed at the First Battle of Bull Run. This story (Warrior) emphazies the point that there must come a time when a man sacrifies his own dreams for the sake of high principle.
Phew, stress
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