Wisdom needed

to man belong the plans of the heart
but from the Lord comes the reply of the tongue

all a man's ways seem innoncent to him
but motives are weighed by the Lord.

Commit to the Lord whatever you do
and your plans will succeed

the Lord works out everything for his own ends -
even the wicked for a day of disaster.

...

in his heart a man plans his course,
but the Lord determines his steps

Proverbs 16:1-4, 9

Every Levite has a song

- about his life
- about his struggles
- about his God.

Today's monthly meeting talks about how every season of our lives, we have a song to sing. Many times in our valleys, the devil robs us of our songs to God. We watched videos of how The Desert Song and God of this City (not the one popularized by Chris Tomlin; the original version) were birthed forth by christians in terrible plights.

I came back, went to my room and sang this song to God:

Within my heart
Hidden in the dark
Shattered dreams and broken parts
I find that I am stranded by
All of this darkeness deep inside

I tried so hard
Searched many times
Hoping to heal this heart of mine
But still Im lost, so powerless
Im crying out for something new

A rumor, a whisper, of things long ago
Of your great and awesome deeds
As i reached out to heavens
My heart wanting more
Renew me in my life today

That you would rend
The heavens and pour down
This is my cry
That the heavens will shake
And the nations will quake
In the presence of an awesome God

That you would rend
Your mighty hands
All i want is more
Of you in my life
As you rend the heavens
I will live again

Dear God..please

bless Romp! in this last lap

Give us supernatural strength

Give me clean hands and pure heart

Save my family

Let my light shine in the workplace

Thanks Jesus,

Amen

desert song

This is my prayer in the desert
And all that's within me feels dry
This is my prayer in the hunger in me
My God is a God who provides

And this is my prayer in the fire
In weakness or trial or pain
There is a faith proved
Of more worth than gold
So refine me Lord through the flames

And I will bring praise
I will bring praise
No weapon forged against me shall remain
I will rejoice
I will declare
God is my victory and He is here

And this is my prayer in the battle
And triumph is still on it's way
I am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ
So firm on His promise I'll stand

All of my life
In every season
You are still God
I have a reason to sing
I have a reason to worship

This is my prayer in the harvest
When favor and providence flow
I know I'm filled to be empited again
The seed I've received I will sow
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ain't (just) a love letter!

Washington DC
14 July 1861

Dear Sarah,

The indications are very strong that we shall move in a few days. Perhaps tomorrow. And lest I should not be able to write to you again, I feel compelled to write a few lines that may fall under your eyes when I am no more.
I have no misgivings about, or lack of confidence in, the cause in which I am engaged. And my courage does not halt or falter. I know how great a debt we owe to those who went before us through the blood and suffering of the Revolution. And I am willing, perfectly willing, to lay down all my joys in this life to help pay the debt.
Sarah, my love for you is debtless. It seems to bind me with mighty cables that nothing but Omnipotence can break. And yet my love of country comes over me like a strong wind and bears me irresistibly, with all those chains, to the battlefield.
The memory of all the blissful moments I have enjoyed with you comes crawling over me. And I feel most deeply grateful to God, and to you, that I have enjoyed them for so long. But how hard it is for me to give them up, and burn to ashes the hopes of future years when, God willing, we might still have lived and loved together and seen our boys grow up to be honorable manhood around us.
If I do not return, my dear Sarah, never forget how much I loved you. Know that when my last breath escapes me on the battlefield, it will whisper your name. Forgive my many faults and the many pains I have caused you. How thoughtless, how foolish, I have sometimes been. But, Oh Sarah, if the dead comes back to this earth to flit unseen around those they love, I shall always be with you…in the brightest day..and in the darkness night…always…always! And when the soft breeze fans your check, it shall be my breath…or the cool air on your throbbing temple, it shall be my spirit passing by.
Sarah, do not mourn me dead. Think I am gone, and wait for me. For we shall meet again.

Sullivan Belleau

Quoted from Four pillars of a man’s heart by Stu Webber

The book is about pillars that every man is supposed to have, of being a shepherd-king, warrior, mentor and friend. When any one pillar leans out of balance, the man is eh, unbalanced. A healthy/whole man needs all 4 pillars to be strong or else the building is in danger of collapse. It’s not easy, as every situation requires the man to discern which pillar to utilize.

Does the family needs me to provide direction at this moment, to use the pillar of a king? Does my children need a friend to listen to their woes? (not mine la, from the book)

Hmm, quite a good book. Hope I can do ½ of what I read, with God’s grace. Im half through with the book, of being a king and a warrior. These phrases stuck in my mind.

King – the posture of a Kind is that of bended knees
Warrior – the heart of a warrior must be aligned to the vision of his king – a dream of stability and justice and order and security for those near and dear to him.

Oh, one week after he wrote this to the love of his life, Sulliven Belleau was killed at the First Battle of Bull Run. This story (Warrior) emphazies the point that there must come a time when a man sacrifies his own dreams for the sake of high principle.

Phew, stress

Eugene the librarian

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O7ijwEwAvdo

i think it takes a lot of humility and honesty to laugh at yourself!

Day 0

Hmm, what should i say?

Im not particularly excited or nervous for tomorrow. They got back to me last week about joining up : ) Signed the contract this week and met the other 3 interns (excluding YYY). Myself and YYY got through from our interview group, and im also thankful we are in the same department. They are taking in a total of 54 interns across the different departments, quite a huge number considering the current climate.

I didnt blog immediately (paiseh, MX haha) cos somehow I was not like over the moon over the call. Dont get me wrong, Im very grateful and happy, and i really thank God for this opportunity. But some other things were on my mind ,which Ill attempt to write out now. I guess it's because Im more relieved than elated; waiting for it to draw to a closure was quite draining emotionally if you get what i mean.

Beyond the euphoria i think i wanna hear from God what this means with regards to my future and more importantly in relation to what He is wanting to do this year. You know how sometimes our hearts can become deceitful, that when God blesses us we think we have become somebody and lose sight of other areas that God is wanting to build. We fail to internalize the blessing in relation to our local church, family etc and go our own way. Classic case of blessing becoming a curse? I have been there before countless times, so probably that's why i was more wary/grounded this time.

Anyway, after talking to Jeremy and praying my posture is more re-aligned, my mind is more sound, and i think Im ready for the next 10 weeks in CBD. : ) I feel God speaking to me as i read the Word just now: Chit, remain in Me and I will remain in you. You will bear much fruit if you abide in Me. Don't try to be somebody you are not. Stay humble, stay foolish, don't act like a know-it-all. Like what Ed the HR guy said, when in doubt, dont do it.

Im more assured now, really.

For those out there reading this post (secret viewers or otherwise), I hope this serves as a small encouragement that God really knows the desires of our heart. Stay faithful in the small things, always be grateful, dont take things in your own hands.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight -Proverbs 3:5

Dont oversleep Chit!

PS: Oh i can take a week off for church camp :)

birthday poem from BH

There was a boy, as little as could be.
He had a dream, bigger than his soup of pea.
Many told him, it just could not be.
He was like a flea in the middle of the sea.
Tried he did, one time two and three.
As graceful as a rock thrown from the tree.
Yet he goes on in glee.
That one day, perched on tree, more than a
flea, an eagle he will be.

Reflections

1) Flawless

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6GrOMLylvhQ&feature=related

Once in a while, we need a feel-good story to inspire us. This inspired me. Check out their expressions. They are a bunch of very proud guys, but in a good way. They take alot of pride in their dream.

Simon: What's the ambition here?
X: Chase the dream, not the competition.

Chio la.

2) Interview

I went for CS interview on Wednesday. It was a good experience. Had an 1-hr interview with 2 VPs followed by a group discussion with 3 other candidates while being observed by a panel. The interview was okay, i was relatively well-prepared. The strategy was to bank on my OCS, Investment Club and active volunteerism experiences and some Christian principles. I was able to competently/confidently answer their queries. I thought they may ask me finance questions like define CAPM and beta etc, which would expose me, haha. So thankfully they didnt.

The group discussion was to work together for a given topic, and we are evaluated based on our train of thoughts, ability to lead, work and all those stuff la. One lady from XXX university was alot domineering and (to-me) a bit fake, another SMUer and YYY made up the numbers. I didnt really stand out for this part i think. The topic is generic and i was just normal. Just tried to be myself, trying to facilitate and make others feel comfortable.

Overall, I enjoyed myself and thought i gave my best shot and a good account of myself. I don't know how much the VPs believe me when i said i only applied for CS and it's kind of like my ambition to work for them (they prob think I'm hard up? hahaha). After the interview and chill-out session with my new-found friends, I remembered 1 Cor 1:18, but probably abit abstract to apply in this way but let me try.

We started sharing our internship attempts/experiences and I realized they have either 1) did an internship before 2) has another active offer 3) applied quite a few. So they were talking about the potential pay, comparing with XYZ offer and also commenting on why such a late interview from CS (the reason is that probably other "first choice" candidates declined due to better offers).

Okay i got to write this properly. I dont think they are wrong to have 1), 2), 3) as well as the last comment. The latter is probably true on hindsight. But i just contrasted my situation and to me, it's purely the grace and power of God that landed me here. Haha. Im almost abit embarassed to tell them this is my virgin application and interview, that even though factually i may be the 2nd/3rd/4th choice or batch, God engineered it. So that made me grateful.

For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God - 1 Cor 1:18


3) Post-interview

Since i gave my best shot, i knew i dont have to be disappointed whatever the result. And that was my honest stance. It was thus a surprise I was a little affected when YYY messaged me to share her joy when CS got back to her. She's the first one they call! I was happy for her, but I was also disappointed they havent got back to me.

So silly right! They haven even rejected me and Im affected. That led me to conclude that Im "hoarding" this dream for myself.

I tell you the truth, unless the kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds. - John 12:24

I have no doubt some of my desires are God-given. But sometimes (or all times?) God have to kill our dreams/desires so that he can truly bless us.

God, let it die then.

4) MX's birthday

Cell celebrated MX's birthday at NUS. I was the emcee. I also tried to do a dance presentation inspired by Stavros Flatly, but apparently, my tap dance routine wasn't that well-appreciated. Hee. I guess we all enjoy cell group. Great.

The man

Saw this ST commentary on Kenny Perry, the golfer who so nearly won the Masters last week when he led all the way to the 17th hole before the pressure got to him and allowed Angel Cabrera to force a playoff. He subsequently lost.

"He agreed that, at 48, he is never likely to get this close to the big one again. He choked, and he admitted it. 'Great players make it happen,' he said to the camera. 'And your average players don't. That's the way it is. I just didnt get the job done, again.' " - The Straits Time, Apr 18, 2009

"Im not getting there," he said. "If this is the worse thing that happens in my life, then my life's pretty good. It really is. I have got my Mum struggling with cancer, my dad's struggle with his heart. I have got alot of people hurting right now, and here i am playing golf for a living and having the time of my life. So Im not thinking poor me...Pity me? Hey i fought hard and I was proud of the way I hung in there. I never said I was a superstar."

When you come home feeling lousy about how your exam went and you read about someone like him, do you still dare to wallow in self-pity? You are right Perry, my life's pretty good if this is ever the worse that can happen to me. I have people whom i matter to, friends who care, a good future ahead, and many other things going for me.

The alphabets on your transcript doesn't indicate your self-worth, the lifes you have impacted and how many people whom you matter to.

Thanks friends, those who kept me in prayer. Thanks Q, for meeting me on the bus, disrupting my quiet time and praying for me.

Thanks, Perry, for your wisdom.

You lost, but my guess is, you won yourself alot of respect.

Taking stock

I realized i didnt explicitly thank God for something very important, and when i really got down to reflect, it really caused me to be eternally grateful to Him and his goodness.

Wait a minute, if you are wondering why i have so much time to reflect during exam week, it's because Im too stressed now to study anything. So instead of dwelling in my negativity, Im just thinking of what has God done for me. This entry is for one of many.

Apart from Mum (who has transferred to a nearer church), the other person which stayed and became rooted in church is sister Z. She was my LTB classmate during year 1, and i guess like other foreign students she also struggled with the language and the superficial nature of SMU life. To cut the story short, she felt the love of God and gave her life to Jesus last year.

As i take stock, i realize she was one of the big encouragements God has given me. Just seeing how far she has come since those awkward LTB presentation days (for her, not me) really touched me. She has joy and a purpose, a nicer hair cut, haha, and just being an endearing sister to the cell group. She's open to share with people her struggles and that encourage me alot everytime we study together. (it doesnt harm that she always help me in my studies!)

Yes, Wai Chit struggles alot in his studies.

Anyway, i was extremely touched and proud of her during her baptism a couple of weeks back. She was courageous in sharing her testimoney before her best friends. Up la Z! It was a poignant moment when she came out from the water, signifying her "death" and a new life in Christ. I wanted to cry (inside) at that instant, really. A life changed. And I played a small part.

Being the shy person I am (i can hear the groans MX and P..), i struggled to congratulate her and take a picture together until Ariel reminded me. Haha.

To:
God - you are really good to me, to bring her to you and witness her growth. And now, to see her encourage others. Thanks Lord. really.

Z - hopefully you wont read this entry, haha i think i will be abit embarassed. But yeah, Im so proud of you. I am blessed to see you from day 1 and now, a sister growing in the Lord. Even though your first impression of me was a crafty person, it's okay. Hahaha

Cheers

Naughty, heart

The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it? "I the Lord search the heart and examine the mind, to reward a man according to his conduct, according to what his deeds deserve." Jeremiah 17:9-10

My Quest study bible has this to say:
Q: Does God reward right conduct or right motive? (17:10)
A: Because God seeks right conduct that stems from proper motives, good intentions cannot excuse wrong conduct. On the other hand, righteous living that camouflages ungodly motives is hypocrisy. God judges both errors. Love for God and a desire to honor him are the proper motives for deeds that will be rewarded.

You are right, K. I thought i was one-up on this verse, but God has subtly (and very graciously) proved me wrong.
That's why you are my irritatingly-lovable blockhead. W will agree on that!

Love, freedom and responsibility

"It is easy to say we love others, but difficult to allow them the freedom inherent in love. When they do not want to do what we want them to, then we “hunt them down and kill them” in various ways. We pout, cry out angrily, send guilt messages, and attempt to control them. These actions kill freedom and will, and eventually, they will kill love. Love cannot exist without freedom, and freedom cannot exist without responsibility. We must own and take responsibility for what is ours, and that includes our disappointment in not getting everything we want from another person. The disappointment that comes from our loved ones exercising their freedom is our responsibility. We must deal with it. This is the only way to keep love alive.”

- Excerpt from Changes that Heal by Dr. Henry Cloud

This speaks to me personally and also when I thought about the situation surrounding someone in my cell group. When I don’t get what I want or someone doesn’t respond the way I hope, I make my negative feelings known and let the person “have a piece of me”.
Letting others deal with your feelings is really immature and stifles the person’s growth as well.
The book also talks about how the Fall has caused us to lose our sense of boundaries. We own what does not belong to us (other people’s responses) and refuse to own what belongs to us (our own feelings)!
Lord I got to learn.

randomness

Im so not focused in class now, a result of another late-nighter doing homework.

Hmm, this semester is different. I can sense it. Just not very good in putting into words, but it's different.

God is helping me deal with work-related stress better.

I'm re-reading changes that heal. Spoke to me about boundaries. Loving people have to give them freedom to choose what they want, not dictating what they can do/cant do. Im finding myself speaking more "Hey it's tough, but i believe that in you. You can do it" as opposed to "Hey just do that. You know it's good for you". I find my love for others more balanced/whole?

Im doing quite okay for studies. Im doing above average for corp reporting though it's really tough. Praise the Lord!!!

Heaven and earth will pass away, but My words will never pass away - Matthew 24:35

I can do all things through Him who gives me strength - Phi 4:13

sub prime crisis thoughts

FIIM lesson:
Alan Greenspan, the ex Federal Reserve Chairman, played an important role in the global crisis facing us today. Widely perceived to be the 2nd most powerful person after the president, Greenspan's comments are closely followed by the market, a phenomenon known as Greespan-watching. In fact, perhaps knowing this, Greenspan is infamous for his many speeches that leave observers confused about what point he is actually making. Many of the institutions' misgivings are due to a lack of regulations, and Greenspan is an advocate of allowing market forces free interaction, with little intervention from the government.
Ironically, the next few years will probably see much more regulations in the financial markets.
To give credit where it is due, Greenspan has actually seen through many crises in his helm as chairman (~1985-2005). He saw through the 1987 crisis when the AMSE fell 22% by pumping liquidity. More recently, the Long Term Capital Management hedge fund started by John Merriwether, then the biggest fund, collapsed. Who can forget the September 11 terrorist attacks on the World Trade Centre in 2001? The entire banking system was on the verge of collapse as many operations are based in NY and the WTC. He pushed interest rates low to encourage borrowing and spending.

Low interest rates encourage speculation and irresponsible borrowing. But banks are also at fault in the way they handle mortgages. Credit ratings are lowered such that borrowers with dubious track records are also allowed. In addition, to profit more, they repackaged these mortgages and sell to others.

Rating agencies like S&P and Moody cannot rate these instruments properly as there are no proper historical records for such mortgages.